I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
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Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
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I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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