so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
