This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
