I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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