Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
