Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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