Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
