I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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