If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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