I'm laying in your front yard are you home
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize