I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
