I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
