went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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