I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
