Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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