dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
