May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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