He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
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Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
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I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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