Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
