From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
