but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
