I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
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My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
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