you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
