pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
is that a dick in a sweater?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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