C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
