my being single is dangerous.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize