Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
