So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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