Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just forgot I was standing up.
Randomize
