No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
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walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
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I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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