I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
