I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
