Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
ttyl tear gas
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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