My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
