I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
