Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
