you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
