i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
