I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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