Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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