the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
