I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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