I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
What a dumb baby whore.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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