Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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