I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
