I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
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I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
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Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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