You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
