she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
