just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
