So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
