I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
