ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
