Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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