I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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