Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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