Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
