Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Panties = found
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
