I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
A+ Viking dick
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
