it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
