Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Randomize
