If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
