Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
