I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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