It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
im holly from the hills drunk
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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