ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
