By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
