hotel room ftw
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
