So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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