Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize
