**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
