the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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