i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
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