I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You're like the curious george of whores
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
