I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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