I puked a lego.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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