I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize