i think my tv is drunk
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
