Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
