i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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