can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
