The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
