where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
