well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
